Things that are bad for intoxicated people

Revolving doors

                Think about it

Sliding glass doors

                Like birds we go through.

Rational decisions

                Anything you can do, I can do BETTER

Remembering all the shit you have due tomorrow

                I can totally write that before class

Remembering that you have a tomorrow

                Bro...What is life?

Sneaky cop appearance

                Oh shit man

Sneaky cop disappearance

                Oh shiiit man

Phones

                Texting my friends, family, exes etc.

Touchscreens

                Why are my fingers suddenly so fat?

Shoelaces

                Too difficult to tie correctly. Tie it like a swan. Swan. Swaaaaann DIVE

Anything requiring complete serious face

                Why so serious BATMAN?

               

Loud noises

                What the fuck was that?

Sudden movements

                WoooahWEE!

Running

                Ever see a drunk person run?

Jogging

                Ever see a stoned person jog?

Trees

                They come out of nowhere and hit you in the face

Eating

                The stain life is the true life

Computer screensavers

                I saw my future. I can’t remember what happens.